Mom, we need to talk.

Can I just say that I love you, blog world!

Like everyone else on this damn planet, I just want my voice to be heard. To have people read what I gotta say and comment. Hopefully they agree and if they don't that all gravy, too. And a lot of times, it seems like Blogger is the only person (I use that loosely) who actually listens to anything I have to say.

I got in an argument with my mother today. She is a strong willed person. Being her third child, she seems to have no patience for me. No room for understanding. The expectations for me are just too high. Plus, she started bringing shit up from when I was in high school and that just brought back memories of the relationship my mom and I had when I was in high school. It was a shitty one. She showed me then that she would always second guess me, even without cause. It seems she only does it to me. I don't know if I portray to her an excessive amount of strength, but she seems to be giving me no slack on these burdens I'm carrying. Shit that is hard on me or hurting me she seems to think I shouldn't even waste breath in saying/sharing. Move past it, is what she probably wants to say. Block it out. Just like she does. But after her years of experience, what has blocking something out done for her? I don't work that way. I don't like to quit, but I will take a detour. And if you know me, you should know that I am my own person. Sometimes, and I know this is a shortcoming, i just disappear into my own world. It's clear that my mom and I are very different, despite clear physical similarities. I am my own person. I am not my friends. So when she started comparing me to people who got shit to do with me or are not even in the same playing field as me, I got really pissed. Then she started taking shots at my character and personality. Don't label or categorize me. period. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who you can say is just like me. Ain't happening. I want to be able to do things my own way. Reach my goals my own way. Fail my own way. But being that I am not a first child, or a first son, or a last daughter in my family, any deviation from perfection is mislabeled. As much as I know I am, nothing I do is original.

Yes, mom, shit didn't go as planned. Yes, I know it's hard on you, too. But please remember that you have already been 22. If you took your 22 yr old self and put her in a room with me, how many similarities would we have? I'm not married, I don't have a kid, I didn't move to a different country. Not to say I don't appreciate all the hard work put in to raise a family and be well established for yourself. But I go through things, too. Life is hard for everyone. But I'm sure you'll just say I'm living a life of sin and not trying hard enough...

I hate to do this, but until this all changes, Mom, I'm putting you in the "hater" category.