What are you waiting for!?

CMON PEOPLE!!! Are you still reading this blog! I moved...a long time ago...remember!?

www.msnarcelo.blogspot.com for those of you who didn't know. read my new insanities there!

now update your bookmarks! NOW!

Okay, I give you my number...then what!?

I'm single because I want to be. Trust me, that's the truth. If you're an ace or a bestie and you think I'm lying, you got it twisted. At the end of the day, if I wanted to be in a relationship I would be.

But what appeal does a relationship have!?

None.

Well at least not right now.

I'm sorry, I'm picky. And I don't like dealing with the BS dudes have been offering lately. Like, guys who always want you to come over, or guys who won't take you on a date and only wanna text all day long, tricky ex drama (and you don't even know if they really are exes or on a break-ish type thing), or driveless guys whose success (if you can call it that) I anticipate doubling in 4-6 years. And yeah, I know, before you call me a young dummy, I see through all that bull. But where, pray tell, am I supposed to find a dateable guy!?

They aren't in my church. That's the first place I look, 'cause I probably will know their mother already. And the least I can ask for is that the man is God-fearing (I've learned that it is hard for almost anybody to not do something just for their partner, but if you throw in the threat of lightening as a deterent then we may have something here.)

I don't ever try and talk to dudes at the club. I gave my number to this one guy only because the grateful dead was talking and because he professed his singleness from the mountain top and complimented my swag (which always peaks when ya girl is buzzed). That faded quickly after he confessed that he lost my number during a booty facebook chat session (I hate that thing). He was cool. We coulda been friends. Meh.

The gym. Guys there are usually wayyyy to bulky, or overweight (shut-up, I have requirements, too) trying to get slim. Most fit guys I know run or play ball with the boys. Now I can't go sit around a basketball court! I might as well wear a t-shirt that says DESPERATE LONELY GIRL across the chest.

Lounges, shows, events, and all other social activities that don't require a minimum of 4 drinks and mandatory proximity of 4cm. Problem: all those guys come with their girlfriends or done slept with all half of the girls in the venue. (I went somewhere with a few of my guy-friends and at one point in the night each of them said they porked THE SAME GIRL! Must have been awkward for that girl...or not...who knows)

I've met a few single guys lately who caught my eye but there was no growth...

maybe I am going about this all wrong. I have no idea. I mentioned like 4 months ago that I wanted a relationship, mainly because I have been single for about 2 years. But I need a better reason. I know what I want from a relationship, but I don't see anyone around me who is willing or able to provide it. Right now, my main reason for wanting a relationship is so I can have someone to call boyfriend and demand an hour long massage from. My body hurts - went to the gym 3 (THREE!!!) days in a row this week (No, a standing ovation is not over-doing it. Go ahead, rise and clap). And also so that I can stop going to the museum and other events alone. And also because I want a connection with someone with similar interests; someone I can learn from, and who can learn from me. But that's getting to my serious reasons which I don't want to get into.

Am I doing something wrong? Is it because people my age don't date seriously (I'm turning 23 in 4 months)? Or maybe I should continue enjoying the single life, which I have been doing. Maybe avoiding relationship drama is a good thing??? idk...Talk to me...help me!

Trust Bug - I think it's flying away...

(Wait! I'm moving my blog to msnarcelo.blogspot.com. It's shorter and easier. I'm in the moving process. But all my new posts will be over there. So go ahead and save it.)

How do you get rid of trust issues?

I wouldn’t consider myself someone who has issues trusting people, but lately I feel some insecurities brewing. Unfortunately, I am a good liar (I am choosing not to use the word “great” because I don’t want to cloud your perception of me). I am NOT proud of this. When I realized that if I didn’t make a change soon, this would become a permanent part of my adult life, I made a decision. I decided to remove myself from any situation that would cause me to lie (i.e. friendships, relationships, etc). I also realized that when I lied I wasn’t being myself. And that is not fair to, mainly, ME and also not fair to others. Who am I really, if I am always lying?

I can still tell a masterful lie at the drop of a dime (still not proud). This trait that I have acquired – I think it’s hereditary or I at least learned it from my brother – helps me see when OTHER PEOPLE ARE LYING. Which as great a gift as it may be, just straight up sucks sometimes. Because as much as I would love to trust someone, I can probably call them on their stuff. Or what if I think someone is lying (just because I told a similar lie) and they are being completely honest!?
How then do I go about trusting people(!?) WHEN I KNOW EVERYONE LIES!?

The rule I usually go by is that I can trust anybody until they give me a reason not to. My mother always says that "l'amour croit tous" (I think that's it) which means love believes all. Can I do that? Especially if I've been given a reason not to...

HELP! (seriously)

FAT FAB!

The raindrops were weighing down heavy on my depression (depression caused by said incessant raindrops). So I sat at home or anyone else's home, doing what I do best post college: eat and sleep!

AND THEN THE SUN CAME OUT! (Can I get a standing ovation for the sun, please? - we clearly pissed her off)

And then I stared at myself in the full length mirror and GASPED!

What's with the jelly belly and these jiggly thighs!? Okay, maybe the thighs weren't jiggling, but when I wave my hands my arm fat waves, too!

(THOSE ARE SOME SERIOUS GRANNY PANTIES!) So getting to that gym was PRIORITY NUMERO UNO! Thanks to a friend of mine (go read his blog) who got me this wonderful free membership at the Y but refuses to give me the card (I think he just wants to have the upperhand) I went to the gym yesterday! (go ahead and say it: "proud of you" - just don't wipe your boogies on me - that's a family guy reference. If you don't get it SHAME ON YOU)

So I took this "sculpt-n-tone class" with the demon CEBM whose blog I told you to go read. It was fun. Didn't leave me nearly as sore as I thought it would, which was encouraging because now I'm not afraid of the gym anymore. And just maybe I'll upgrade from the 5lbs weights to the 8lbs weights. Who knows. So I was feeling froggish, so I lept into the ZUMBA class. That class is wassup. If they had it everyday, I'd be in there like swimwear. So after I danced and shook the booty for about an hour I went home. (That was 2 hours of working out! Talk about going hard!)

Then I got hungry and ate some pasta (energy for my next work out day, which should be Wednesday).

But all that brings me to my main point which is making yourself happy and being healthy. If you are not happy about something and you can change it - then do it. Not for anyone else, not because you father pokes at the belly fat hanging over your jeans, or because - well, I ran out of reasons, but you get the point. I just want a BOOTY and some dope abs, but not man abs. I don't need ridges. I'm not picky. I just want my smooth belly back. I mean I'm not far from that. I probably gained like 8 pounds, but if I don't pay attention that 8 pounds is gonna turn into 15...then it's all

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from there. Gotta preserve my sexy!

MWAH! Ya girl is back on her blogging grind. Life was just getting to me a little bit.

Busy Body

Be careful what you wish for!

I asked for a job and got 2.

I asked for something to do in my spare time and my friends wanna go out 4 out of 7 days in a week.

I ask for stuff to write about..........boy did I get that!

I'm sorry peoples, I know I haven't been regular up on this thang...but bear with me. It's the summer. I'm gonna do the unthinkable a blog once a week now. But I promise to make it good quality. You can look for that post on Tuesdays. So lovers....see you Tuesday.

Cam <3s u!

God first.

I must admit this: I might as well be giving God last place if I'm not giving Him first place.

I know I talk a lot of trash on this blog. I write about silly and important things alike. But I don't do much God talk. I will say that I am confused. No, not in what I believe; but how it all comes together as I move forward in life. My parents can be fanatics at times. Mom is a devout Christian. I do not use that loosely. So often times, I associate conflict with my mom as conflict with God. She seems to have a head start on that "great relationship." So it seems I'm always one step behind. She also tells me to pray and read my Bible EVERY time I have an issue. Sometimes I just want to talk to my mother...just as mother and daughter. So I guess, when I get frustrated (and in a childish way - out of spite), the last place I go is to where my mom sent me.

But enough is enough. I'm 22 years old damnit. This has got to be a personal thing for me if it's gonna be anything at all. Whether or not I pray, or read my Bible, or go to church is all on me. In all fairness it has been on me for a while, but I can't keep making excuses, or letting someone be a scapegoat, for my sub-par relationship with God.

Don't get it twisted. We talk. All the time. It's just not in the traditional sense of getting down on my knees every morning and night, our father yadayadayada. Lately we've been having this argument. I'm trying to understand...

I will say this though, those weeks when I was reading the Purpose Driven Life were some of the clearest weeks of my life. So I decided to pick up some old books I found in my growing library. I'm starting with "The Power of a Praying Woman." Hopefully I feel empowered. I need to stop trying to make God first place and just put Him there. So, finally, after years of fighting it, phony efforts, putting other people first, not caring about much of anything, caring too much about all the wrong things, etc...I'm putting God first. I know this is a pretty week symbol of my commitment, but here it is in writing. Not 1.5th place, not second. what's that saying? second place is nothing but the first loser. Can't have that now can we?

So I'll keep you posted on my progress. There would be no me without God.

if it ain't going nowhere

It's summer!!! (yeah yeah yeah, I know it's spring. But you know that day when you wake up and smell summer...c'mon don't leave me hanging here.)

This time last summer...my life got a little complicated LOL! (Those of you who know what I'm talking about know what I'm talking) BUT it was fun! I was doing me. But be careful, cause in the world of "doing me", you most likely are playing someone else. I wasn't playing with no one's emotions; I can't control what someone else feels. Even tho I got a lil caught up with homeboy who shall remain nameless (don't try and name him in the comment section either, for my sake. It didn't end pretty).

Sometimes I like to go back and analyze some situations - that way I figure out how they happened and how I can avoid the same mistakes in the future. How the hell did I start talking to dude in the first place??? BOREDOM!!! I think he might have been an emotional rebound from some rejection that took place. And then all the attention was nice. I didn't realize that too much attention would later become my problem with the situation. Cause altho I knew this wasn't going anywhere... for a couple reasons...we kept kicking it. I shoulda been able to see the signs that he was hiding something. He made it seem like he just didn't wanna put shit out there, for my sake initially, and then for whatever bullshit reason afterward. And I wasn't mad cuz I didn't want that shit known either because nothing serious was gonna pop off anyway. But it's a whole nutha story when a mutha fucka is just lying about shit. And the truth always comes out, so I found all this shit out from an unexpected source. That nigga (notice how I didn't say niggas) is bullshit. And I know that well. But ya girl ain't even mad. I was pissed in Dec, when I found out, for about 3 days. Once a story makes it to the blog, just know that it serves no other purpose than for analysis.

What I've learned:

1. Don't get involved with someone because of boredom. Make sure that you are genuinely interested in the person. (He did talk a good game tho...but now I know that play. So next man, come harder.)

2. There is a time limit on a rebound. Anything longer than a month...and that's a long ass time...is a FUCK UP! The whole point of a rebound is to get the ball rolling and move on to the next place. You don't get the rebound and stay under the hoop for 6 months....nah yo...

3. If it ain't going nowhere...NO EMOTIONS should be involved.

4. If it ain't going nowhere...the effing better be worth it.

5. If it ain't going nowhere...it must have an expiration date. (The sooner the better...find yourself a replacement "it ain't going no where")

6. If it ain't going nowhere...don't you dare give a shit about anything going on in the person's life. Do not be supportive. Do not suggest ways to solve problems.

7. If it ain't going nowhere...WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IT!? unless the stick is magic...and even that is a sorry excuse after a few hits. Find the combo people...I know it takes work.

That's all. He's been erased from my memory and immortalized on my blog for all to scrutinize. Funny thing is...in all this...I'm the one who hurt him??? that nigga better take his meds....