I am so torn.
If everything I wanted was a sheet of paper - it just got put through a shredder. So then I guess I'm shredded. I want so many different things...
Ok, now can I be really really honest?
I'm torn between people....
a small number of people have my interest right now. and it's actually driving me a little crazy. I want something from each of them.
Fuck it. I'm gonna be way too honest right now.
60% of me wants to be with one amazing person exclusively.
20% wants to look around a see if anything better is coming along.
20% of me to mingle and be fly and be single.
Now in that 60%, 40% of that feeling is towards one person :(
And 20% to the other person.
I guess in all these numbers, I'm solving my own problem. If I really wanted to be with someone, wouldn't the number be 80+?
Now there are reasons why I can't have either of these 2 people. Great reasons why I can't - I'm talking about some of the best. But usually I just say I don't give a fuck. I lie to myself and say I can deal with this situation but it's really stressing me. I'm tempted to drop everything all together. Maybe I'm just a little lonely lately. But If i can make it through a Boston fall and winter SINGLE there is nothing I can't do. I'll gladly go to the movies on a chilly day ALONE, walk in the park and hold my own damn hand. 'Cause honestly the crazy shit I see in the relationships around me aren't appealing!
Bottom Line: I'm a miserable single girl, who fell for one guy and could maybe fall for another, but really wants the first one of two guys she can't have anyway.
So here's the cure:
I have a date on thursday before thirsty thursday lol. It's not really a date. He's taking me for a ride on his bike! (i frigging love motorcycles...remember my trip to cali?) and then we are gonna grabbabi. I'm not that into him, but maybe he can change my mind.
Ummm thanks Regine for not liking him! :( Ok so regine, whatever happened about that set-up?
anyone else wanna fix me up with someone???
Apparently going out does nothing for me. I thought I looked mucho nice last night but not one dude stopped to talk to me, unless he knew me from before. I was all smiles and NOT with the guys all night. Do I have a sign on this big ass forhead of mine!? wtf!? I'm gonna start doing things, like bowling, and pool, and salsa lessons -- and maybe I'll meet the new love of my life there.
Ummm as you can see I am definitely trying to escape from this situation...it's possible...it is...it really is....
it better be.
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Monday, August 25, 2008
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1 comments:
not the same situation but I understand how u feel... about being torn I mean... my emotions are torn between 3... now what if all 3 love you? Some days I think I'm the one to blame for my current situation because I can't get my mind straight as to who I actually have genuine feelings for, or I wonder if they're ACTUALLY genuine feelings... i doubt myself all the time as to whether or not I'm not making up these feelings.
You know what would solve the problem? - If we could combine them into one person, pick and choose the qualities that we makes us love them...
or
we find that A/B hybrid and live happily ever after.
anyway, enough about me.
you're stuck between a rock and hard place. I mean, it's beyond difficult to willingly remove ourselves from situations that make us happy, even if they made us sad when reality hits. Living in the now is soooooooooooooooo easy! but we're getting older and need to start looking at the bigger picture, and for who is going to make us happy tomorrow and the day after without the side-effects.
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