Like a Boy

The ratio between my male and female friends is about 2 to 1. I like girls (no not like Katy Perry). I mean, who else am I gonna shop with, and talk about my hair with, and talk about boys with??? Some things in life, only a woman can relate to. Like how it feels to be in a relationship, what it's like to be in love, how it feels to be used. Or why we gotta work harder at work? or why we get hit on and are supposed to just take it? Most of us are in the same boat, monthly visitors and all... We know what it's like to be crying victims of raging hormones. We've all cried and not been able to explain why at least once a year. These are things only another woman could fully understand. So why does the number of my male friends double the amount of female friends? I'm not sure, but I have a vague idea...

1. Like a boy: I think Ciara and Beyonce are on to something. I think we need to stop being so judgmental. Part of why I like to chill with my guy friends is because they don't judge me. They might tell me it's time I got my hair done, but I strongly doubt anyone of them is gonna pick up the phone, call the next man, and tell them how effed up my hair was earlier. I know we have been brought up in a society that trained us to think we must be pretty at all times. But sometimes we gotta see foolishness and call it out. What you mean I can't walk out my house with a sloppy ponytail, some sweats, and a T??? Why not? All the guys do it! Now I'm not advocating to be one of the guys, but maybe if we weren't so vain, we could see past others' outward appearances, to what really matters: personality, friendship, character.

2. Dis Bitch, That Hoe, Effing Slut! Whoa! Maybe we should chill on the name-calling. Front all you want, but we have all done something that puts us in at least one of these categories. Maybe you let him in too easy, or you spread some shit about someone you called "your girl." Maybe you were messing with three dudes at the same time. But before we point fingers, maybe we should look in the mirror.

3. Stop competing. Stop trying to be like the next girl. Don't do you hair just like the girl your crush is with now (that's just creepy). Be yourself. Be unique. Figure out your own style. Guys love that. He don't wanna date someone who he can mistake for a row of other girls. Be different.

4. Do to your girl, what you want your girl to do to you. That's easy enough. She tells you a secret? keep it. I mean you did promise. Why Jane, Sue, Jill, and Sam gotta know about it? If you can't keep it be real. Let a girl know. That way she'll at least know if she's telling you, she's telling at least 5 other people. You don't want your business out there... so don't do it.

5. Why we gotta be stank for? I seen how my guy friends act around guys they first meet, or met once before, or balled up with 5 months ago. They say hi! OMG Can you believe it! One human saying hi to another!?!?!? Astonishing!!! Why do we have to look her up and down and within minutes we assume that she is after our man. Be nice ladies. That way if she is after your man, you didn't start it, so you have every right to whoop dat ass...lol. But why can't we be polite and introduce ourselves. We do it to guys... And it's funny, we all say 'a bitch ain't gonna do nothing for me' but when your man effs up, who do you go running to?

6. Sisterhood. Take the time to really love yourself, and appreciate and value yourself. Then you can easily see your female self in other females and value them. If we would all stop hating on each other maybe guys wouldn't dog us either. Funny how guys say "bros before hoes" or "gs up hoes down" (not that any of you lovely ladies reading this are hoes) but where are our quotes about loving our fellow woman...?

7. Put the bitchiness aside. I have 2 sisters and a menopausal mother. I know a bitch when I see one. But I also know the difference between a woman who is a bitch and a woman having a bitch moment. Give each other some space. Understand that all the woman in your life can't be what you need. Some are shopping buddies, some are confidants, some are ego boosters. And a rare few fit most roles. But guys have the friends they ball with, the ones they work with, the ones they will be friends with for the rest of their lives. Don't make the mistake of letting everyone in close, let them in where they fit in and you won't have to worry about feeling betrayed.

8. Let it go. Why are you holding a grudge against a girl since the 8th grade? You graduated/about to graduate from college. What!? you don't think people change. I'm not saying be foolish, but sometimes people deserve a 2nd chance. But at the very least, forgive them, so you can move on with your life.

9. Talking about people is a bad habit. Stop it. And maybe you won't be so paranoid thinking every girl is talking about you. They might be, but don't pay them no mind.

10. We are emotional beings. We love connections and closeness. Call up your girl and let them know you appreciate them. Apologize for ever hurting them and understand that shit may happen in the future. Maybe if we start caring about each other we can stop hurting each other. It really is that simple.

I'm really putting a lot of thought into my female friendships and I have a lot of work to do. No, I don't plan on running all over Boston begging girls to befriend me, but I am thinking about the ones I have and my potential to let more in. All my girls now I've known for a minimum of 7 years (with the exception of a couple). I know what they are capable of. I have seen them shine and I have seen them at demonic lows. They are all important. And I can't say I have been fair to all of them or as a good a friend as I could have been. BUT I do vow to do so now. Chances are, you are gonna be walking in my wedding, baby sitting my kids, coming over for dinners, double dating with me, crying with me, listening to me talk about a guy for hours and weeks and not tell me to shut up. And I wanna do the same for you. Be my girl. I'll be yours.