As You Lie It

***Check out the "Don't lie" video by Black Eye Peas - It's the fourth one down on the right panel (I know it's old, but it goes)***

As You Like It
"Tis True, for those that she [nature] makes fair she scarce makes honest, and those she makes honest she makes very ill-favoredly." Act 1.2.37-39

I lie! I know, it's completely shocking! And for some of you readers it completely disrupts the innocence I dispense in speech and actions. But indeed, I lie! I lie OFTEN, VERY OFTEN, and sadder still, TOO OFTEN! It's come to a point that I sometimes believe the lies I tell because I tell them so often and so well. In a conversation with my-ex, he brought something up that I told him and I couldn't even differentiate if it was truth of fiction. This got me thinking about our past relationship, and I wonder how much my dishonesty played a part in the break up? If I was honest about my feelings, and told him exactly what I wanted, instead of "not wanting to hurt his feelings" or "start a fight" maybe he would have KNOWN what I liked and didn't like - and thus, been a better boyfriend. Interesting thoughts I'm sure but that would only lead me down the path of taking some sort of blame for this failed relationship - something I am not willing to do.
However, with progressing age it is necessary to discuss important issues, and honesty happens to be something very BIG in my life. My mother ALWAYS says, "honesty is the best policy." In her life I have seen that this is true, and many time the truth has "set her free." But I'm to young for that crap. Where would the drama and excitement, deceit and cover-ups be??? Just kidding. I honestly (see look I'm being honest here) don't know if I am a strong enough woman to be honest all the time. That would mean always considering myself and how I feel and acting and speaking accordingly. I would have to be uncompromising with dishonesty - there could be no place for it. If I start being honest now - wouldn't it hurt all the people I have been lying to?
In terms of future relationships, I don't want to lie. I want to be completely honest with my next boyfriend. Tell him exactly what I mean to say and never lie about anything. I never want to cheat, don't want to confuse him with mixed signals (or just blatant lies) and I want to be able to understand that my feelings are just as important as his in a relationship. SO, then I guess I need to practice, huh?
SOOOOOOOOOOo For the entire month of DECEMBER (the first to the thirty-first) I will not tell A SINGLE LIE - white lie, black lie, green lie - NO LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wish me luck ---- forget that! PRAY FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!