Unexcitement

May 19th is the day Boston College is telling me to flap my wings and be the woman and student they have molded me to be over these past 4 years.

I can truly say that I have experienced nothing like my college experience. I did it all in college. I've learned from some of it, but mostly I am still learning. I've been to hell in a hospital bed for about 33% of my college career. I've been to hell in my heart for about 75% of it. And I've been to hell with some of the most trying things a person should have to deal with for 50% of it. Yeah these percentages overlap, which just shows that there has never been a point in my life when I was not going through some sort of hell. And the only reason why I was going through these many hellish experiences, is because I let these hellish experiences overtake my life. If only I had learned not to complain my problems into perpetuated existence. And I know I probably don't talk to you guys about 60% of my issues and I know I do a great job masking them most of the time, but they are all coming to meet me now, just as a new departure in my life is beginning. Yet, I refuse to enumerate them and bring them deeper into existence. But I will counter them with thoughts of healing, emotional re-birth, love, devotion, friendship, laughter, understanding, new beginnings, second chances, and happiness. Why am I posting? (I have no intention to recap my college years....) Here's why!

Some of you may (or may not) know that 2 springs ago I was very ill with migraines (some doctors thought it might be lymph node cancer....we ignored them). I had debilitating migraine for about 75% of every month (that means: no light, no sound, no smells, nausea, and of course the discomfort and pain in not being able to move your head in any direction while you laid curled but in a corner on your bed for weeks on end). I was forced to go through with a medical withdrawal from school that semester although I stayed for the remainder of the semester and completed my coursework. I was told there was a good change that my Dean could pull some strings, allow me to withdraw for the semester, and spread the courses I completed "secretly" across other completed semesters, keeping me up to date with my credits.

On to the next part, but before I continue I must say this : I need to check my email more diligently.
Suffice to say that her fellow associate deans did not feel that was fair (I'm sure this had nothing to do with the 15,000 in tuition dollars they would have lost if they counted the semester and let me withdraw) So a semester of 15 credits and 5 courses that I thought counted towards this chick right heeere, doesn't. And these same 15 credits are needed for me to graduate. Interesting. Spoke to my dean, (oh, after I recently received the email she sent me about a month ago), and we explored my options. There are none but to graduate in December 2008. Set Back.

However, I will gladly take a setback if it is in God's plan any day, than an advancement from the devil. So as Mal's away message states "No matta wat happens I kno God has my back in da end...iont care nemore im done killin myself wrryin about the things God already has set up 4 me...I kno im right on da edge of a breakthrough that I just can't see...let go and let God!" I have to trust and believe that God is looking out for what's best for his child.

What "sucks":

I have to let everyone know I'm not graduating in May. (I could care less now, because it's my life, but I know after the 30th person asks "why, what happened?" I will be irritated. So I will pray for patience and peace.

I have to take the same courses over again. Well not the same courses but very close to that. So i will pray for God to keep me motivated.

I did not apply for housing, so either I am stuck in Greycliffe, random housing, or at home. So I will pray for guidance and direction.

I did not apply for financial aid. So I will pray for God to open the floodgates of heaven and pour out a financial blessing, because BC is a killer.....

This is not my plan. So I pray that God will lead me through His.


I woke up today to an email from my dean explaining the situation and that my only option is to graduate later. She assures me this happens all the time. And I'm sure it does. But my expectations for myself, and even more so, expectations of my parents and family, included me graduating in four years, going straight to law school, and being immediately and quickly successful. That's my mental limitation at the moment. But I know my future is not defined by a six month delay. It's okay. I will still be great, who knows if this delay isn't necessary for me to get back onto the expressway God wants me to be on. Maybe I was headed forward in the wrong direction. Funny how when things seemingly mess up, I go crying to God. Maybe I should give him everything the good and the bad and just let him deal with it. So setback? no. Tough to deal with? A little. But God knows why he stifled my graduation excitement. Imagine if I was thrilled and planning parties and didn't want to take a year off before going to law school? Right now I would be crushed. God truly does know best. I think God is telling me to slow down and open my eyes....something is here that I can't see.

Well God, I'm looking....

Even in all this, God is looking out. Found out recently that one of my good friends from high school, who goes to BC too, is graduating a semester late because of a medical withdrawal. Thanks, God, for the companionship....