In Honor of Black History Month

Let's face it, there are just some things that only Haitians can understand. Thank you Haitian V for reviving a stagnant pride for my home: Haiti. I realized this guy was officially funny when my father asked me if he had any new videos a couple of weeks ago... In Honor of Black History Month I am celebrating one of NY's and definitely Haiti's funniest - Haitian V!
With a guest appearance from the Haitian waiting for the bus.

Counting Down Haitian V's funniest moments:

10. "I weel tek you, and bweak you in two peesses. And put you een my po-ckhet" What Haitian child has not been threatened in either this same way or something real similar. There's a reason we laugh when we here this: because we grew up hearing it.
Other variations include: "You go-een to jell man. I'm sowwie fo you, OJ. Dey go-een to tek you and bweak you in two peesses. And dey not gunna put you een dey po-ckhet, dey go-een to make loooove to you. And you not like dat, cause you a men."

9. In the same fashion, our parents often express their distaste for us by saying some of the funniest things. Like, "You dun tink, man." or "Why you act so stipide?" or the all too common "sak pwoblem-ou?" And to OJ, and Britney, and Jamie Lynn, Haitian V says "you do too much sh!t men...YOU A SH!TMEN!!!" "And Bwitney, you a girl shitmen!" NUFF SAID!

8. Raise your hand if you know a Haitian in this country illegally! (WOW, you're special! Can't believe you actually raised your hand!) We all have that cousin who tried to steal a car and got deported and some of us actually have relatives among those Haitians who were running across the highway in Miami a few years back... Let's face it, immigration is out to get someone you know... and to that Haitian V begs you not to discuss his whereabouts with 'EEMIGRASSYON' "You see me, bot you dun see me. Cause I tink some o' you tell on me!"

7. I'm not sure how this ummm, well, let's say "misconception" has become such a widespread notion: that Haitians can't dress? No matter what a Haitian is wearing, I have NEVER NEVER EVER EVER met a Haitian who didn't think he/she was FLYYYYY no matter what. You can't hate on confidence like that - even if you are wearing a floral skirt, with a striped shirt, bah, socks, and sapat...o yeah and a CHAPO! And Haitian V no matter what you are wearing "dey gurls, dey gurls men, dey say Hayshun V, you so shaahp. You so shaahp, like OJs knife."

6. No one - scratch that- no Haitian wants to be approached by a prostitute with the hiv while waiting for the bus... even if she tells you "I'm whet I'm whet I'm whet" This outraged Haitian's response: "SHE SAY SHE WANNA SUCK FO ME!!! I SAY NOOOO I DUN WAN HIS BEEZNIS!!!!!" And only Haitians know the rock throw, simultaneous punch (zoklo)and kick (kut piye)combo! (see video on the side for continued laughter)

5. Sometimes only only one expression will do in scenarios such as, a car accident, a pimple on your face, seeing a duck who thinks she's fly, an A on a paper, your boyfriend picks you up 20 minutes late from Fowesteels: "OH MY GHODness"

4. Have you ever been to the club, chillin, posted up on the wall, sidekick in hand phone boning.... AND ALL OF A SUDDEN you look up and a massive group of drunk guys and girls are charging head strong, hands up, straight for you??? Haitian V says we should all thank the SHITMEN Reggae artists nowadays. "Don't you see Bob Marley have twennyfi chillen and non of dem say stipideness like put lotion on yo elbow, RUN TO ME! Nooo day songs day have a messaahge! not this shit men, run to me?" MESSAGE PEOPLE! MESSAGE!

3. Let's just face it ALL HAITIANS ARE TAFIYATES (alcoholics)!!! C'mon, with a native drink like Barbancourt FI STAAH!!! How could we not be alkies!?!?! And there is only one way to ring in the New Year (aka Independence Day) off right - SHOTS!!! In dey YOU-ESS we dwink Patron, Bacarli, Smirnoff, GweyGoose - Bot no-ting does dey job like "BARBANCOURT FI STAHH!! OH MY GHODness! URSHER NEVA FELL A BHERN LIKE DAT!!!!" - Haitian V

2. We may be drunks, some of us may have peculiar styles of dress, but one thing is certain - our moral compass always points NORTH! Especially after seeing something as DEESGHUSTIN as 2 gurls 1 keps! Haitian V got it right when he says "How you go tell you fahda, daddy look look what i do?" AND to the people who made me watch that video at Ed's crib in December, "You not my fwen men, no mo no mo no mo, you not my fwen!"

1. AND FINALLY!!! When life confuses you, your boyfriend or girlfriend leaves you, you get an F on a test, you're driving your car on blue hill avenue and you get lost, a prostitute asks you if she can suck for you, your friends ask you what you're doing tonight, AND YOU JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN WHY??!?!?! Our Haitian friend waiting for the bus, taught us ALL what to say: "HI HII HI DUNNO MEN!"

With that I leave you all,

**SNAP SNAP SNAP** "Peace"


suggested by C.B. - thanks for helping with majority of the list

Haitian V - Youtube him!